i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
