Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
