I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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