Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
