You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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