You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
