it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh god it's open bar.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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