Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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