I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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