Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
