Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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