Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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