I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
