i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
