so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
