Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
