I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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