He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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