the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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