did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just cut my nipple shaving
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
