Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
