As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
