i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
