so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
