so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
