Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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