i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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