The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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