He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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