i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
