Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
