I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So squirting runs in the family.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
