Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
