I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
