Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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