True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
