After last night, I could never be a politician.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
