im holly from the hills drunk
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
