Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
