I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
