omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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