I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you had me at cake vodka
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
