dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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