i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
