the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
