God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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