We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
