Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
