I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
