Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
