I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
