Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
