Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
