I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
